Social media haters – it’s really just all an opinion
How I deal with social media haters.
I’m an introvert; I take things to heart, I think about things a lot, I’m quiet, thoughtful and always try to do my best. I think a lot about the world, people, kindness and all sorts of fluffy things like that. I should by all accounts be someone who is deeply affected by trolls and social medid haters, horrible comments and people being unkind to me, but I’m not.
I see so many people affected by what people say to them; it hurts me and I want to help them but often don’t know what to say. So here, I’ve tried to talk a little about my thoughts, how I handle it and hopefully, help a few people along the way.
Firstly, I’m a big believer in that wherever you put your energy, attention flows. If I get a negative comment I really pay little notice to it and to be honest, at the moment I get very few. But I have had my fair share believe me, from getting bullied in primary school to people believing I had an eating disorder in secondary school (I didn’t), to an appearance in The Daily Mail and on Loose Women. I mean, if you want to know about trolling look at the Daily Mail online; it’s vile.
But I got through it all pretty unscathed and I think perhaps it was down to the way I was parented and some techniques that my mum taught me. You see when she was a police officer she was used to having horrific things said to her, used to having to get herself out of some tight situations. She was also someone who didn’t believe that ‘rescuing’ your child from life situations was a good idea. When I was bullied she helped me come up with a plan; she never stepped in but supported me to deal with what was in front of me, which while I hated it at the time I think taught me that I could stand up to anything.
However, I think that it was her approach from a police officer’s standpoint that helped me the most. In essence, her thoughts are that if something isn’t a fact, it’s just opinion. When you are being judged, only facts and evidence matter.
I’m going to let her explain it to you because she is much better than I am at helping people get this. And as she always does, she will use a TV show as an example.
Take it away MUM!
People often laugh at me when I tell them that I get most of my self-empowerment advice from TV shows, but it’s true, I do. And one of the things that has changed my life dramatically I learnt from The Good Wife and it’s something I think we could all do with a little bit of at the moment.
Now before I start I should point out as Bronte says, that as an ex-police officer I have always been obsessed with evidence, facts and data over conjecture, opinion and arbitrary forecasting. I deal with most of my life problems by separating them into the facts of the situation and the feelings and dealing with the facts to change the feelings. I almost have a mini courtroom going on in my head at all times. Which is annoying and cool all at the same time.
So back to The Good Wife. For those that haven’t watched this show, it is about lawyers and that’s pretty much all you need to know to understand the next point. So, in the series, there is one particular judge that requires the lawyers to say in my opinion before they sum up or make a statement that isn’t based on a fact. So if a lawyer is summing up or making an assumption based upon what they think the evidence says, she always corrects them and makes them say in my opinion before anything.
As someone who always wants to be right and wants to get my point across, this in my opinion helped me solve so many issues.
When you begin to realise that anything not based on a fact or evidence is just opinion, you feel released from making you right and others wrong. I’ve stopped arguing my point with boneheads on the internet and just reply to their stupid comments with in your opinion. I’ve stopped getting mad with media outcries and say to myself, in your opinion. I’ve stopped getting into political debates because quite frankly, they are all opinion and conjecture. And maybe more importantly I’ve stopped trying to make people see things my way, because it’s just my opinion, up to them if they want to listen or not.
Can you imagine what a more tolerant world we would live in if, at any time that someone wasn’t stating a real hard fact, they started with in my opinion because really, that is what we are spouting most of the time. Yes, that opinion might be based on years of study or similar situations or your expertise, but it’s still an opinion.
Some opinions may carry more weight than others but it’s all still opinion. If it’s not a fact it’s an opinion.
So, in my opinion, we all just need to be a little more opinionated.
So, if it isn’t a fact it just an opinion. It doesn’t mean you have to ignore them or give them the stage; you just say in your opinion and move on. Obviously, correct a fact if you need to, call out totally inappropriate and mean behaviour, but don’t give it more attention than that. They are not in the ring with you, they don’t know anything, they are just voicing an opinion which they are within their right to do, but it’s just an opinion.
They are not wrong and you are not right, it’s just an opinion. Social media haters opinion isn’t a fact.
I know, it sounds simple, but the more you start to use this technique the more it works.
‘Influencers are a waste of time’…… in your opinion
‘People who take pictures of themselves are narcissists’ ……..in your opinion
‘The before photo was better’ ….in your opinion.
You can see where I am going with this.
Someone else’s opinion shouldn’t bother you because, in the scheme of things opinions mean nothing, they don’t hold up in court, nor should you give them any mind. Don’t get social media haters the time.